The hardest day for me in Haiti started filled with hope as we went to spend the morning with the children at the school. I was excited because we would be giving the kids the shoes we had promised, but things quickly got out of hand. We ended up only giving out about 75 pairs of shoes and spending 3 hours locked in a very hot kitchen because the people had gotten out of control we had to stop. I had peered out the cement block to see the people fighting, yelling, the children being whipped with belts. The banging on the mental door rings in my ear, they wanted in and I wanted out. I was witnessing desperation for 99 cent flip flops and I was scared. Eventually, we were escorted out of our temporary safe house by some
Haitian men and we prepared to leave. I was emotionally spent and frustrated and
utterly disappointed. Why did I tell the kids they would get shoes because most of them did not get any. Once loaded up in the van I looked back and saw
Woosley with tears streaming down his face. I had lied to him, I let him down. He did not get any shoes as I had promised him. Tears fell down my face, today was not suppose to be like this. Even worse I knew we were going to have bible study with the high school aged girls and I did not want to go. One because I was upset, but also because our leader had told me we were going to each take a bible verse and speak on it. Well I do not like public speaking and I don't feel
qualified to talk to anyone about the bible. All the other women met the night before to discuss who would take which bible verse and I was the only one who choose not to attend the meeting. You see I was the one in school who had the sweaty palms and almost vomited knowing I was going to have to speak in front my classmates. I figured if I knew the subject I would panic and think of nothing else until the moment I had to speak...so I avoided it. Well here we were almost to the meeting place when they gave me the piece of paper with the information. I sighed not wanting to look. It was something called a prayer path, so it was interactive- Great I thought, not only do I have to make a fool of myself, but I have to ask these girls to act something out with me. This is a complete nightmare for me. I was handed a bag of rocks and a basket and told to take #6...I said a secret prayer to help me get through the next few hours... and please Lord, don't let me look like a fool. I opened by eyes and read #6.
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Give each person a rock, ask them to right down a word on the rock and then throw the rock in to the basket casting your cares to the Lord. Oh great, this one hits home big time. I am a worrier and I could fill up this basket myself...what am I going to say. I had made a little book to take on the trip, I flipped to the back where I had put several pictures of Sam and Josie and a few of me and Eric. I smiled at the faces smiling back at me. I tore the page out of the book and it came to me. I don't trust God, specifically, I don't trust that God will provide for my family. I have felt this burden for many years and it is this that causes me the most stress in my life. So here I am opening myself up in a way I never have privately and in front of all these eyes. Here it goes...Today is my 10 year wedding anniversary and this is a picture of my husband and our 2 children. I tell them to pass around the picture and they began to whisper among each other. I continue by reading the passage and explaining that I am the one in the family who has the stable job, who is the main provider. I explain how my husband has tried for many years to find a job, but until that day I am responsible. I explain how I don't trust that God will provide and each week I worry. Today I am ready to let this burden go and I want all of you to do this with me, to help me. I write down the word TRUST on my rock and I ask all of them to choose a word for their burden. I feel overwhelmed as there is silence in the room, I look up at Timothy, my translator, and he smiles at me...I suddenly feel calm, protected, he puts his hand on my back and I feel his warmth pass straight through me. I return his smile and throw my rock into the basket. One by one the girls come up and drop their rocks into the basket with mine. I am not alone, with each rock dropped into the basket I felt lighter and lighter almost like I could touch the sky. 
Here I am in front of 75 girls about to vomit. Timothy translates, so I have time between each sentence to think of what I am going to say next. Which didn't help my nervousness, but gave me a second to think.
Here is my view of the room, you can see a rock on each desk as I am speaking to them.
All our burdens in one basket.
As I laid all our cares at the foot of our paper cross I felt as if Angels were
lifting me across the room, light as a feather. Was it because I was really going to trust God? As soon as our meeting was over the girls came up to say goodbye. I was struck by this line of young women waiting to hug me, kiss me, thank me. Some spoke in creole with tears running down my face... I have no idea what they said, but I felt their love, their
gratitude. I had inspired, I had touched, I had affected their lives, just as they had done the same for me.
On that day I had been broken to the ground and then filled with immense love. I had spoken to the lord in a way I had never spoken before and I did it through a Haitian translator and in the witness of nearly 100 people. Shortly after returning home the financial blessings began to pour into our lives
sustaining us for several months. Those blessings have continued and I am in awe in what can happen when you trust in God and place those burdens on his shoulders not your own.
Leaving my zero degree sleeping bag for a man who lives under that pile of blankets.
Creating a tomb so my children can understand what a tomb is.
We connected with family I haven't seen in 10 years.
Added a little love to the family.
Celebrated Great-Grandma and her wisdom.
Had a milestone birthday.
Enjoyed the warmth of the sun and cool of the water.
Jumped in the sunset with neighbors.
Had the best 4th, just the 4 of us.
Added to the family with a lovely wedding.
Felt immense love for a child so far away and with so little. I love you Woosley!
Made life better for someone other than me.
Ate cake without utensils.
Sold over $2000 in jewelry for Haitian artist where the average yearly salary is $400.
Sam broke records in running his first race.
Josie turned out to be a soccer star.
Sam got to go on his first plane ride.
Celebrated the birth of our savor.
It is easy to take pictures of the happy times and not speak of the hard. After having the chance to travel to a 3rd world country how I view my life...view our lives will never be the same. I can't look back and I don't want to.
No matter how cold I am, I am blessed to have this home. No matter how hungry I think I am, I have no idea what it is like to starve. No matter how broke I feel, I have riches beyond the comprehension of some. No matter how alone I feel, God is always with me. We are blessed.
